Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
