I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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