if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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