I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
