I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
