Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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