Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
