NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
