Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize