Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize