Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
