As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
MIDGETS
????
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
