He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
