Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
