My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
