I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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