my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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