there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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