Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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