Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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