please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
