I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
