Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
