I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
