Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
