I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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