textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
