we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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