Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
