Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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