Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
