Umm I'm too high to move.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
