yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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