Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my vagina is haunted
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I intend to get homeless drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
