No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize