is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
