forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
