He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize