dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
