NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
