The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
