if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
