Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
