i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
