i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
