When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
