haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
