You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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