apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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