32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
