Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
