i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
