He is such a slut. More and more my type.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
