i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
