dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
