I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
