clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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