Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
