Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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