We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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