I wish I only lived at night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The Olympian is in my bed
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