Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
