Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
