Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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