you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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