And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
