if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
