angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
