Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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