it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize