I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
