Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
