my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
