Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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