i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
