Plan B is the new Plan A
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
